come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
