Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
