Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
