I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
