I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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