I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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