I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
