took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
