apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
