i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize