You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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