I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
