You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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