i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
