I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
