Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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