You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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