But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
