I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
