He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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