3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
