i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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