I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
