Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
