tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
