Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
