she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
