at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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