Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
