You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
