i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
