I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
