She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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