I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize