The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
