allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
