Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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