I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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