So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
