I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
