my shit smells like andre
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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