Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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