Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
