I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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