my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
