god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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