Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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