Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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