anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
