But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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