I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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