I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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