Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
