every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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