Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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