I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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