I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
