I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
