Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
