My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
