My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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