Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
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My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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