my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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