i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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