I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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