Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
