My liver just broke up with me...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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