you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
birth control should be required to get into college
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
