11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
