I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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