those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
