Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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