Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
