She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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